My effort this week isn't the genius epic I promised Drama Queen this morning via text message. She told me she had something for TFE's poetry challenge and I predicted that my ditty would be quite frankly, spectacular.
I may have been a little bit optimistic.
I hadn't time to really sit down this week and create, so in the end, this afternoon, I did a sort of stream of consciousness sort of thing, and I cut out a middle section which was the most coherent. (It was kicked off when looking at the fishermen picture, not that you'd know it from the result..)
Here you go...
God is shuffling by your door
crouching, peering through the keyhole
don't move a muscle.
Return your darkness to its lacquered box,
put it high upon its shelf
simpering to the dust.
Trust that no one else knew either.
Go now, flow by,
its been enough to try.
11 comments:
Return your darkness to its lacquered box! Delicious! I like the idea of God peering in the keyhole - not quite the omnipotent, omniscient being we're used to, eh?
Agree with Argent here D'Oub, this is the stand out line...
'Return your darkness to its lacquered box,'
that is brilliant and says so much in just a few words, conjures so many ideas, a line you could think about and chew over. And the notion of a shuffling God peeping, is so different.A little gem of a poem
, thanks ye!
(Ps. is the darkness in this case poetry?)
I love the notion of God shuffling and peeping through the keyhole. Brilliant!!
D. O. Thanks for those last two lines. I really needed them tonight! God bless!
This is another gorgeous one Oub. I like the line "Trust that no one else knew either" - it's such a nice poem about being human and imperfect.
Very mysterious. Which is good.
x
I really like this. The unexpectedness of the images, the hidden something dark; and yet it's not a depressing poem, in fact those last two lines are quite the opposite - no, this is a cracker. We are flaws and human.
I like what the others have picked out, but I also like "simpering to the dust."
I like the thing about the keyhole - it's like God saying 'I haven't gone away you know!' but we've like, got NTL +.
Nice. Really liked "simpering to the dust" especially, but the last three lines are killer.
You were right, of course. You did produce another masterpiece!
(I hope that God wasn't listening to me wanting to be carried out to sea - I'm not ready yet!)
Thanks for your comments everyone :)
DQ - don'tworry, he's a little hard of hearing these days...
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