Tuesday, June 30, 2009
To the naughty step, Mr Lenihan!
I've been quiet lately... the muse hasn't quite been with me. Suspect I've left it back in the Loire Valley...
So, I thought I'd shamelessly copy a fellow blogger in an attempt to kick start this stagnant diary... (thanks VariousC)
Advice for those who fear An Bord Snip Nua is going to do away with Child Benefit (and who might on paper look like rich fat cats, but in reality are penniless paupers).
1) Feed the children on a day on/day off basis. (Has added benefit of combating childhood obesity).
2) Develop a 'Sale and Lease Back' option on your children - surely you know some childless couples who don't like the idea of raising the children, but fancy the security that a family provide in old age? Sell them the children for a lump sum, but keep them in your own home until maturity, for a small rent.
3) Build a giant mouse wheel style contraption in the garden. Have the children run in it in four hour shifts - generate enough electricity to run the household. (Has added benefit of combating childhood obesity)
4) Tell them only one of them is going to college. Let them compete for that coveted place. This pays in a second way - No need for your Polish cleaning lady anymore as the children try to gain favour by cleaning the house, washing the car etc.)
5) Forget the GP - consult only Google for all their medical needs. Its bound to be right a good percentage of the time. And, if, god forbid, something doesn't quite work/is fatal, sure at least its one less mouth to feed, body to clothe...
6) Stick a cap and neckerchief on them, send them out to bob-a-job. Keep the cash.
7) Tell everyone you're becoming hippies. Saves a fortune on haircuts and soap. (Kids might actually like this idea.)
8) Sell all their gadgets. (Which apparently, has the added benefit of combating child obesity)
9) Tell them that Ireland is the new France, and rain is the new sun. Holiday at home. Literally at home. Don't leave the house.
10) Ignore suggestions 8, 3 and 1 and fatten the kids up with cheap junk food. Cost The State the value of the lost child benefit in their ensuing essential and costly medical care. This doesn't save you much, but makes you feel much better. (Can't necessarily say that for the children though...)