Friday, January 29, 2010

Poetry Bus!

Hurray, hurray the Poetry Bus is back.

Sadly, my poetry brain has atrophied in its absence... but, if rumours are to be believed, and the literary route is back, and the Poetry Bus will be passing by regularly, maybe there is hope that I can recapture my former glorious heights...

Anyway, on the theme 'Red Car', here is my latest effort...

Red Car

his car was red.
i kiss whispered in his ear.
i was his, i had the fear
he knew it.
his love like bleach
leaving nothing
but a washed out stain
his car was red
and i sat next to him
whispered in his ear
I was his.


Titus said...

Oh, I think you're scaling OK.

I was going to pick out the bleach lines as my top notch, but then realised that
"...i had the fear
he knew it."
is also mighty.

And then the two "i was his" .... "I was his."

So as you can see, I'm rather loving it, loving it, loving it altogether!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Kiss whispering should be an Olympic event.Deadly poem D'oub.Definitely one of your best I think.

Domestic Oub said...

Thanks guys :) I enjoyed trying to get back into the poetry groove... looking forward to the next trip.

Niamh B said...

This is gorgeous Oub, the whispering, the repetition, really beautiful

Moira said...

Loved it!

Karen said...

If this is your poetry on atrophy, I can't even imagine what you can do when you get that grey matter working again! Wonderful. I have to read it again!

Domestic Oub said...

Niamh, Moira, Karen, thanks so much for liking the poem! I'd delighted cause I really felt I was rusty. Appreciate the comments :)

But thanks to TFE for cranking up the old Poetry Bus again :)

Rachel Fox said...

Very late here...'love like bleach'...brill!