Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Finally, a solution




Now, I know my children are brilliant.

I know they have an intellectual sophistication rarely seen in beings so young.

For example...

Toddler Oub has mastered the art of Flash Fiction - verbally of course as she likes to write all things using only the letter 'O', which obvioulsy hampers written communication...

Here is an example of her work -

"Spiders scary. Legs!"






Eldest Oub offspring is galloping ahead in the emotional intelligence stakes.

For example...

His latest catchphrase (when speaking to his father) is 'For gods sake do what she wants, she's pregnant!' - I love the boy.

But possibly the most disturbing/impressive is middle Oub child. It turns out he may be a budding economist.

For example...

We're sitting in the car and I'm torturing myself as I usually do listening to talk radio and the blathering on about the DEFICIT and the BUDGET and the LEECHING MULTI-GENERATION LIFE FORCE DESTROYING ECONOMIC HORROR... I like to take these times to educate the kids on basic economic concepts. I was wondering how much really went in. Cause, really, the topic is obviously right up there with X-Factor and Super Mario for things kids are interested in. Also, I have my doubts about my knowledge/sanity/impartiality when it comes to imparting these things.

But it looks like my vitriol might not have been wasted after all. To quote Middle Child after someone on the radio said they were going to raise taxes...

"I don't think they should raise taxes. They should cut them. Then people would have more money. And there would be more jobs. They'd (the gov)be getting less taxes, but there would be more people paying, so it would all add up."

He's 7.

This is impressive as I suspect my grasp on my times table was probably quite ropey aged 7. I can't imagine I was contemplating economic theory quite yet.

This is scary cause if a 7 year old can grasp theories that appear beyond our glorious leaders we're even more fecked then I previously thought. And I wasn't being very optimistic to begin with.


So, here's the plan.

The D'Oub family are going to stage a Coup.

Unleashed, with a bunch of coke and chocolate in their bellies, the kids can better any army - the Irish interpretation of this concept should crumble in moments. Once installed in government buildings, I shall appoint Toddler Oub as Minister for Propaganda. "It's ok! I help!" will be the slogan to lead a nation out of it's darkest hour.

Eldest Oub child will take responsibility for Health, Education and Social Welfare - he won't be able to actually help anyone, he'll just make everyone feel better with his wide-eyed, misplaced optimism and line in awful knock knock jokes.


And of course Middle Child will be appointed Our Glorious Leader with complete power to do whatever he feels necessary to steer us out of this hideous quagmire of debt and deficit and depression.

And really, will they be any worse than the muppets in there at the moment?

ALL HAIL OUR GLORIOUS SAVIOURS OUB OFFSPRING!!

15 comments:

Rachel Fox said...

Excellent plans.
x

120 Socks said...

Things are looking up for sure,leadership at last! Try and keep the handcuff story underwraps though. If Vincent Browne hears about it, we could miss out on the only real option to get us out of this utter mess!!

Domestic Oub said...

Rachel, thank you, yes, it just seems so obvious now that I've realised it. A plan that cannot fail.

Socks - Good point. Though, methinks the Rubster could charm old Vinnie boy, we'll be grand :)

Niamh B said...

genius, my dog could help too! I don't know how - I'll leave it up to your trio to decide

Domestic Oub said...

Oh Dora would be invaluable!!! Ministry of Defense? Foreign Minister?

120 Socks said...

I have a dog as well, rubster is familiar with Benson's speed and licking abilities.I am sure he would be invaluable in the new cabinet! And yes Vinnie would melt with rubster's charm. Charm and intelligent, amazing!
Plus I can confirm that her mother IS A GENIUS!

Domestic Oub said...

This plan just gets better and better. Three kids, two dogs and I've got a pot plant that would do better than Brian Cowen at everything. This is a cabinet I could believe in...

Domestic Oub said...

oh, and Louise, thanks for the genius comment :o) Blush.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Do you know, all joking aside, it just might work!


All together now comrades.. "It's Ok! I help"

Beats both the English 'Keep calm and carry on' and the Irish 'Keep going, sure it's grand'into a cocked hat.

Karen said...

I'll be following the news for word of the coup! Sounds like a plan.

The Dead Acorn said...

Viva La Revolución!

Niamh B said...

ministry for defence definitely! Sure she even barks at the doorbell when it's herself at the door. That's conscientious protection for you.

Domestic Oub said...

TFE - Yes, it is a new rallying cry to stir a wounded nation!!

Karen - Our efforts will be making world headlines, any minute now :)

DA - Your support is much appreciated... when we Oubs rule this little rock we hope your nation will recognised the legitimacy of our regime...

Niamh - the job is Dora's!

Kat Mortensen said...

Sheer brilliance!

Kat

Titus said...

How did I miss this?
I want to move to this tyrant state NOW!

And I am stealing, "Spiders Scary. Legs!" because it is so damn fine.