Monday, September 28, 2009

Oh, Monday Monday...

I've been very quiet lately - but I was delighted with myself for starting TFE's Monday Poetry challenge nice and early, a few days ago... but, as detailed in the comments section over there, my PC betrayed me and collapsed. Blue screen o' death. Lost my preciously brillianty wondrousness ditty. I've tried to recreated it, but how can one recapture the elusive muse? Ah, anyway, here's what I threw together today...


Devils eyes red stare 3am into the dark room

forever unblinking.

I sit, duvet discarded.

Two fingers open the venetians

I watch the wind play kiss chase

with irritated trees.

Cars sleep, stabled for the night.

the middle classes retired all around me

at peace in their beds, in their heads.

Pruned perfect gardens stand to attention

waiting to be admired.

You snuffle snore beside me

habitually oblivious.

And I stare, craven, craving the night

to take it and put it in my head

to lodge the stars behind my eyes

the calm in my heart

the quiet in my soul.


Niamh B said...

wow, love the kiss chase with irritated trees - a beautiful poem.

Rachel Fox said...

Some lovely details in this. Very familiar feelings but some unusual lines.

Dr. Jeanne Iris said...

I love the serenity in this poem with the ending of complete surrender in the final three lines. So sorry about losing your first poem, but you've recouped your loss nicely. Thank you!

Totalfeckineejit said...

I think , Doub, it's time you got a new computer, I also think the loss of the first poem has spurred you on to greater heights, this is beautiful.

'And I stare, craven, craving the night to take it and put it in my head to lodge the stars behind my eyes the calm in my heart the quiet in my soul.'

clinches it for me.Apparently Garrison Keillor lost his first Lake wobegon novel and he reckons that he's spent the rest of his life trying to write it again,as with your poem, i think the loss maybe all his ,the gain is all ours.

Domestic Oub said...

Thanks everyone. Even with the pc disaster, I really enjoyed this one. Bring on next weeks challenge TFE!

Titus said...

Oh, what a nightmare for you under any circumstances.
This is, quite simply, a beautiful poem that I identified with straight away, and as mentioned above, the change of pace and mood at the end is handled perfectly. Well done!

Batteson.Ind said...

Like the idea of lodging stars behind eyes... beautiful!.. just beautiful! :-)

Dominic Rivron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dominic Rivron said...

"craving the night

to take it and put it in my head"

If this means what I take it to mean, then I can say I often feel this too, at night.

It's great when a poem actually touches something you think about or feel that you've never talked about or heard others talk about before.

Domestic Oub said...

Dominic, I agree. I'm fascinated now by the same thing. I feel a little more connected to the world today then a I did yesterday...

Argent said...

I see Niamh B has already said it but I loved "I watch the wind play kiss chase with irritated trees" as well. I loved all of it, the inner stillness of it - great!

Colm Keegan said...

I absolutely love this poem. I've turned on my pc just now and you've already made my day.

Domestic Oub said...

Uisce - quite frankly, such a compliment from you has completely made my day!