Monday, March 22, 2010

I Hate Poem

So, I'm on board with TFE's Monday poem. He requested that we wrote a protest poem. I know that such a poem really should be a dignified affair, highlighting injustice, righting wrongs etc... but mine is just a hate filled rant. What can I say? I've got issues.

And just for my international reader's enjoyment of the below poem - an explanation - Twink, (aka Adele King) is an Irish 'entertainer'. She's remarkably annoying. Though the leaked phone message she left on her ex-husband answering machine a few years ago was quite amusing. (click here for the famous - Zip up your mickey)

Okay, let the unpleasantness begin..


I hate litter, I hate graffiti,
I hate the ancient bust of Queen Nefertiti
Tenuous rhymes in protest poems
mobile charges when one roams
All inspire spiteful moans.
Politicians, bankers, those infectious cankers
(I bet you thought I'd say wankers)

But I do try to be original
as I spew my hate filled rant.
What else do I think is really pants?
Can't feel the love for annoying teens
Demeans me to say it -
but I've got reams of revulsion just for them.
I scorn all those born after me.

I have an abhorrence for Josie Lawrence,
(Her real name's Wendy, did you know?)
A big aversion to the Cherry Coke version
of that delicious sugary drink.

I think that I could happily murder Twink
Tie a stone around her neck, watch her sink.
Hmmm...Maybe I've just crossed a line
in this mucky malevolent rhyme
I'll reprieve Ms Adele King - as long as she
promises not to sing.
Or act. Or ever go again on TV.
On these conditions I'll set her free.

Rain and traffic jams
Mussels and stinky clams
in fact shellfish of any sort
really get my goat.
Caught short, much too fat,
people who say 'apartment' instead of 'flat'.
Long hair, Truth or Dare,
the incorrect classification of the Koala as a bear.
Rare blood types, laddering tights
toddlers with gnashers who are inclined to bites
Make the steam come out my ears
shortens my life by many years.

What else annoys me, let me see
Reality programs, boring telly
(but not that one with the songs - Glee
for some reason this show really appeals to me.)

This is a protest ditty
railing against all that's crap and shitty
which seems to be quite a lot
a melting pot of this and that
random tat that invades my brain
give me pain, a grey existential nimbus of
psychic rain.

I seem to have resentment, for contentment
Thankful for the rancor of my black heart.
Perhaps I should go back to the beginning
When it was good to be winning, not spinning
webs built from bile, spun out a mile a minute.

Okay, I'll be happy from now on.
As the French say, it'll all be 'bon'.
But just before I change my ways,
there is just one thing I want to say.

I've always inexplicably hated guitarist Phil Lynott.


Niamh B said...


but otherwise - great poem

I scorn all those born after me too!

Domestic Oub said...

Oh, I cannot stand Cherry Coke - soft drink of the Devil.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Rhyme of the week so far....
'I have an abhorrence for Josie Lawrence'


Domestic Oub said...

I thank you TFE, and I have to say, i REALLY do hate her - that said, I imagine since the demise of 'Whose Line is it Anyway', the kids probably don't know who she is these days... which really, is a good thing...

But what about rhyming 'grafiti'with 'Queen Neferiti' - not better? :o) i was proud of that...

Rachel Fox said...

Some really clever bits in here...some very unexpected items too!

I like the bit about tenuous rhymes and probably the koala section most of all. And I love 'Glee'. It has issues too. They are its strength.


Titus said...

I'm with you D'Oub. I'd swap all of mine for the first two lines of yours.
And the koala bit really got me too.
Just a joy to read. I love to hate.

Domestic Oub said...

Thanks James! Hope it's warm in Foreignland :o)

Rachel, Titus - thanks for reading! I must say, it was a little worrying how much I enjoyed writing this poem... and perhaps as punishment, I've had 'Don't Stop Believin' on the brain ever since...

Bill said...

Ha! Your poem cheered me up this morning.

I knew bankers would find their way onto the bus somewhere this week. Merchants! :)

swiss said...

josie lawrence!?
but it's the teens that chimes perfectly with me. i want to like them, really, really i do but i;d prefer if they were all on a island far, far away...

The Dead Acorn said...

I couldn't read it all at once, because of the rage that would well up inside of me. I have a friend who's blood type AB- ... I punched her just for that after finishing this.

Peter Goulding said...

Loved it, loved it, loved it. The only disappointment is that you reprieved Twink. God, what a dreadful woman...

Domestic Oub said...

Glad to have brightened everyones day :)

Karen said...

This poem makes me laugh out loud! The first two lines are priceless, and the rest is just plain fun. Even though I didn't know Twink, I love what you've done with her.