Cake and the CIA Plot

So what do you do the day after 'the man' has stolen 800 of your shiny new euros?

Yes, of course, go shopping at Avoca! Mother lode of lunching ladies and purveyors of pricey purchases.

I needed cheering up.

And I didn't actually buy anything. Well, not for myself. Here is what I got:

1) Set of bunny clips for Baby Oubliette
2) Lots of goodies for Grandmother Oubliette's birthday
3) Cakes for Oubliette boys.



And then I had a coffee. And no cake. Am I or am I not, a total saint? Having lost six pounds in the last seven days, I thought I might actually stay being good. And how have I lost so much weight I hear you all cry?

Totally faddy no carb diet.

I've probably damaged all my internal organs and a few external ones too. But I don't care anymore. I'm sick of doing it by the book and losing only an ounce or two a week.

That's said, Its soo not my fault that I am estranged from my waistline. I blame the CIA. Or maybe the Freemasons. OR the Illuminati. I'm not sure who it is exactly, but it's their fault!

Let me explain - there are four of us in my family. Myself and three brothers. Two brothers - skinny. Oh, they'll pat their bellies and say 'look, getting fat!' when in fact they look like they may have eaten a grape in the last six months or so. (You know who you are!) And then there is myself and brother eile. We were obviously perusing the dessert menu when metabolic genes were being handed out. That grape I mentioned earlier? Well, if we so much as looked at it, it would somehow mutate into the most calorie dense foodstuff know to man and then actually transfer this energy bomb to us - all without us even having to eat it!!

So it struck me - how odd. Its quite neat isn't it - half the children skinny. Half the children rotund. Same parents and upbringing. I decided it was a murky plot. Obviously our parents were approached sometime in the seventies and asked/forced to take part in a secret scientific experiment where my brother and I were injected with fat retention chromosomes. Or some such jiggery pokery.

It really is the only explanation.


(I am legally obliged to point out that brother has actually recently lost loads of weight and is now buffer than Brad.)